The Ruffled Feathers of Outrage…

A lot of rage has been flying around lately, some of it from me. Well, maybe not rage, but indignation. I tried hard to use Dr. Wayne Dyer’s advice: Stop looking for occasions to be offended. It wasn’t working. I’d stretched out on the couch for a nap when the phone rang.

“Hello,” I mumbled.

“Hello, Robena,” a male voice said.

“Who is this?”


“Who is this?” And so it went on because I wanted him to identify himself. He finally screamed, “Why don’t you just say who the fuck you are—?” And then he slammed down the phone. Umm, didn’t he just call me? Okay, Dr. Dyer, I was initially offended, then I thought maybe the guy needed a break. Was I the last person he had to cold call so he could report back to the boss and be paid his measly hourly rate so he could feed the wife and five kids? But still…phone rage? 

The next morning, I sat at my computer eating granola and loading up on caffeine.

I hit my blogs, groups, email, and then went to Facebook. There were six photos of near-naked men, their crotches at eye level, and I wasn’t half awake. I mean, come on, do we have to? I’m too old for this crap. Yummy? I think not. I blocked that person from my FB page. I felt awful and I channeled Dr. Dyer. Maybe the woman lived back east. She’d already gotten the hubs off to work, the kids to school, and she was warming up her romance writer fingertips and needed to jump start her muse. It could happen.

Then I went to a neighborhood meeting and a woman said she hadn’t seen me in a long time. I was standing next to an elderly man (husband of a woman I know) and he said loudly, “She stays inside all day and writes porn.” I smiled and said, “I have an interesting life,” and under my breath, “Stupid old goat.” But yeah, I know Dr. Dyer, the man is old. Maybe he’s losing his grip…maybe he never had a grip.

Then there was Yahoo. I belong to several groups, and I couldn’t respond to messages. I spent two days unraveling the mess. Then I got an email with the subject: Locals who want to fuck. Okay. I ran my antivirus again, changed all my passwords, again, and by this point I was really pissed with AOL. How come they let this email get through, and yet I find in my spam an email from a friend? The next day I went to Facebook and read a comment. No way would that friend have written it, even if she’d had three glasses of wine. I reported it and changed all of my FB stuff. I ran the antivirus, changed my passwords, again. And yes, I was beyond offended, Dr. Dyer, I was outraged. I accused them of being stupid, insensitive, rude, arrogant, inconsiderate, and if that defines me as a judgmental person, so be it. Finally I called in the computer doctor. John fixed everything. I now have a nice clean computer and some new software.

Then I calmed down and thought about being offended. I figured that life is too short to walk around with ruffled feathers, and Dr. Dyer is right. So I smoothed those feathers and went shopping.



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25 Responses to The Ruffled Feathers of Outrage…

  1. Oh Robena! I feel your rage – no honestly, I feel it. I believe it is the season of rage what with upcoming elections etc.

    Lately I have found myself mumbling my true thoughts to my chest – “the tell” as they call it for Bric on In the Middle. (one of my favoirte TV Sitcoms). Yes, I smile and respond civily to all the jerks out there, then mumble my true thoughts to my chest.

    Maybe I’ve gone off the deep end, but I do feel your rage! 🙂

    Please don’t tell me that FB comment that I would never write was from me?

  2. robena grant says:

    Hi Lynne. Ha ha. No the comment on FB was not from you. But I knew it was not from my friend Natascha.
    I’ve also been screening (previewing) all of my emails. I never knew I could do this, but John showed me the feature and now I can prevent myself from opening something obviously fake. While I love the internet and all of the socializing it allows, I detest the creepy, sneaky, people. Sorry, Dr. Dyer. 😉

  3. Maria Powers says:

    I feel your rage and I up you a Trader Joe’s Tantrum or two.

    Sigh. I’ve been spending a great deal of time saying, “I am where I am supposed to be.” “The best will happen for all concerned.” and the other messages that I try to instill into my brain. I feel as if I’ve been praying for patience lately.

    I need to re-read the FOUR AGREEMENTS and remember not to own other people’s stuff. The same as Dr. Dyer’s advice. Yep, don’t own other people’s stuff. Put it down and don’t carry around other people’s burdens. Let it go. I feel as if I am becoming the queen of platitudes.

    Here’s to not being offended!

  4. robena grant says:

    Absolutely, Maria!
    We all need to let go off the offending stuff and the need to be offended. Normally I’m fairly good at letting go of these troublesome things but last week was a real bear. Fortunately I’m over it now.

  5. It sounds like you were hit with everything that could go wrong internet-wise, plus a bad phone guy, all at once. What a pain.

    I know that rage, though. I think it’s worse in the Internet age. I’ve taken a lot of people out of my facebook stream (not unfriending them, just not seeing what they post unless I go look), I delete a lot of emails without opening them, and I have unfriended people on Twitter that constantly use bad language. All in the name of keeping my Internet a safe and happy place.

    When things get to be too much, I shut down the computer and do just about anything else. We get so tied to our electronics that letting go – shutting down – and getting away from the screen is one of the best things we can possibly do. Easier, though, when you don’t have nasty bugs chewing through your computer.

    Sorry you had such a rotten week – and I’m so glad you’re back on an even keel. Hugs dear!

  6. robena grant says:

    Thanks, Christine. I worked hard to eradicate the problems myself (and learned some new info) but eventually had to bring in the big guns. Fortunately my computer doctor doesn’t charge huge rates. Plus he left me with some software, and taught me how to use it. Maybe the Universe was trying to get me better educated. How’s that for positive thinking. : )

  7. Dee J. says:

    Oh man… I totally feel your rage. I have a quicky story for you…
    I have new neighbors next door who are still fixing up the house and haven’t moved in yet. But yet, they’ve seen fit to move their DOG into the backyard. He barked all night for 2 nights on a row. Finally talked to the owner yesterday. She had NO apology for me. NOTHING. Just an excuse that he’s a guard dog so he barks. I don’t THINK so. They took him back to their other place last night. Apparently I wasn’t the only neighbor who said something. Not a great way to start our new relationship.

    And the old guy who mentioned writing porn… My first thought would’ve been, “If by porn you mean writing about two people in love and mutually committed to each other, then yes, I write porn. And by the way… get a f**king life.” Sorry… see how I’m steaming for you.

    I’m fine.

    Glad you got your commuter issue fixed. I need the number for your guy. LOL.

    • robena grant says:

      Ugh, DeeJ. That would be awful. I mean I feel sorry for the poor dog being dumped in a strange place and the owners leaving. Let’s hope he settles down once they settle in. Otherwise you’ll have to call the city, because much as I love dogs that is not right.
      And the old guy. He’s a lost cause. I seriously think he thought he was being charming or witty. : )

  8. Robena;

    I very much feel your pain with the telemarketer. We have an unlisted number and are on the ‘do not call’ list. It doesn’t matter – they call anyway.

    I used to be polite and listen to a point where I could get in an ‘I’m not interested, thank you,’ and hang up. But I’ve taken a new tactic and it seems to have worked – at least for me.

    When the same guy called every day for a week, I finally asked him how he got my number (he was selling home repairs.) He told me my neighbors or family had given him my number. I told him he was a ‘bleeping’ liar, that my friends or family would never give out my private information. “Furthermore,” I bellowed, “I don’t want you to call here ever again. I don’t want your co-workers to ever call me again. I hope I’m making myself clear!” Then I hung up on him.

    He hasn’t called back.

    I’m done with being nice to these folks who are stealing my time. I’ve become a victim in my own home and I won’t tolerate it anymore.

    Now, if I could just figure out a way to do the same with the spammers on the internet…

  9. robena grant says:

    It’s so frustrating isn’t it, Kathy? We pay for all of these private services and yet they still break through. I’m really getting sick of it. I’d love to get their number so I could stay up and then call them every five minutes at 3 AM. : )

  10. Glad you found something that works for you.
    Gosh, I didn’t know you were writing porn. Now I REALLY can’t wait to read your book!!! lol Bless his heart, as we like to say in the south with a large degree of insincerity.

  11. robena grant says:

    Ha ha, Judy. Me writing porn? At first I wanted to title this post as, Crotches at Seven, but I knew that would garner the wrong type of readers. Just writing the eff word on my blog took courage. I can write it in a novel, just as I can write a sex scene but to hang that stuff out on the ‘net, well, that shows how outraged I was. : )

  12. Hi Robena,

    Great topic! I have the hardest time picturing you pissed off… lol. I guess I shouldn’t talk, people say the same thing about me.

    OMG! The comment from the guy about you writing porn! It literally makes me wanna shake someone when they say that; they have no idea WTF they are talking about!

    And yes, this Dr. Dyer guys sounds right. I suffer from road rage, but it only rears its ugly head when I encounter “road bullies” (as I like to call them). I was driving down a quiet street one day and this guy (in his modified car w/ his giant exhaust) starts tailgating me to let me know I’m going too slow. I was already going 5 miles over the speed limit. What pissed me off is that he could have just went around me since there was no one in the other lane.

    Anyhow, I got over, waited for him to pass me, got back in the lane and flipped him the double bird. That’s right, not just one middle finger… TWO! Loud and proud, on top of the steering wheel. I was pissed!

    Well, he wasn’t the person to f*** around with because he stomped on his brakes and came to a screeching halt forcing me to do the same and nearly causing me to rear end him.

    He started driving again a second later and I gave him some room, thinking he made his point and he would drive off into the sunset. I was wrong! He stomped on his brakes again, forcing me to stomp on my brakes a second time. This time I stayed completely still in the middle of the street waiting to see if he was going to get out of his car. He kept baiting me, by putting his hand out the window and trying to wave me by… Well, when he figured out I wasn’t going to “play” with him anymore, he finally took off (thank God!).

    I learned my lesson that day. I will never flip anyone off ever again. And to my great shame, my mother was in the car with me. She’s legally blind and had no idea what was going on. All she knew is that one moment I was screaming about an asshole on the road and the next she was being shoved towards the dashboard because I kept slamming on my brakes.

    I have no idea why he decided to leave us alone finally, I just kept thinking, what if he had, had a gun.

  13. Nan says:

    Roben, I totally feel your pain! The FB pics of unclothed and half-clothed guys are getting to me, too. I’m in the same frame of mind as you about it. Seriously? Is this really necessary? Um…not as far as I’m concerned. Also, the political stuff is starting up again, which means I’ll be limiting my FB time even more. Hate, hate the political posts. Also hate the, “Like this if you agree,” crap that keeps showing up. Do we not have better things to do with our time, folks? Apparently not…I’m not outraged, just slightly ruffled. 😉

    • robena grant says:

      Hey, Nan. I’m so glad someone agrees with me on this. It’s not that I can’t admire a nice physical form. I can. I just prefer it have clothes on if I don’t know it personally. ; ) Especially at breakfast.
      Don’t even get me started on politics. My motto is to each his own, just don’t try to sway me.

  14. robena grant says:

    I know, Christine, and it’s such a scary world that we live in. I’m sorry you and your mother had to experience that.
    A few months ago, I was coming home from my workout at Curves and pulled up at the lights. They changed quickly and I had the left turn arrow so went ahead and there was a young guy in a Honda ready to make a right hand turn into my lane, from the other side, but I had the right of way. It must have ticked him off because once he turned, he kept driving on my tail. I was doing the speed limit. I had to make a right into another turning lane, so put on my blinker, and slowed down a little. He drove erratically as if he was going to side swipe me.
    It makes you wonder what they’re thinking. They allow their temper to ruin their own car, and yours, and possibly kill or maim you and themselves, and all because you’re ahead of them? I don’t get it.

  15. Sometimes, a good rage is what’s called for.

    I *never* identify myself to people who call my number – it’s up to them to identify THEMSELVES, thank you. Cannot believe he cussed you out for not playing his game.

    Re: the politics – while I am observing with interest, I am also very, very grateful not to live in a swing state, because THOSE people are going to be hammered with ads over the next couple months. Hopefully we will agree to disagree with civility.

  16. robena grant says:

    Yep, Bev. Sometimes we have to get really, really mad but then do something about the anger. Like tighten security. I hope by putting more software on the computer I can ease some of the problem. Plus, use my caller ID the way I should.

    Politics. Yuck. I watched Seinfeld re-runs during last week. Guess I’ll be doing the same this week. : )

  17. Janie Emaus says:

    I can relate. I was having all sorts of Yahoo problems, and getting emails from friends that definitely did not come from them. So, I went up to my sister’s house on the lake, left the internet behind and came back refreshed.

  18. londonmabel says:

    Lawks-a-mercy what a time you had! Yes… the outrage… it does creep up some days. And then you just tuck that day away and start with a fresh one.

    • robena grant says:

      Absolutely, London. Once I got my computer tuned-up I shrugged off the frustrating days and moved on (yet still keeping an eagle eye on all emails just to make sure.) : )

  19. Good reminder to remember not all folks have the same sensibilities or time zones! lol. I think of myself as not easily ruffled simply because I believe in different strokes for different folks. Most of the stuff that seems to push the envelope I write off as ‘that must ‘do it’ for someone somewhere’. As long as it is not objectifying/damaging someone, it rolls off my Scotch-guarded back.
    It’s when they try to convert you to their way of thinking that I take umbrage. Hey, if we aren’t asking for the info (political, sexual, religious) who are they to be shoving it down our throats? Kinda gives new vigor to our own authorly anti spam intent. I suppose there are plenty of folks who are offended by one too many book pitches that are not solicited too. Virtual junk mail.

    I do wish FB would let us moderate comments ‘shared’ on our timelines (maybe they do and I am just not savvy enough to know it) BEFORE they are posted. (Yup, I hide anything religious, political or blatantly sexual from my timeline too) free speech should not impinge on our virtual turf online unless invited. Not much we can do about what others put in their timelines, but when they ‘share’ it without asking on ours…grrrr….

    And the phone? Guess I am a bit extreme. I don’t answer unless I recognize the number. They can leave a message if it is that important. I abhor having my time impinged on too. When did we forget that the phone and computer are tools to ease our lives–not torture devices that imprison us to others time schedules and whims?

    Porn? Pleeze. So much abuse of that word has softened it to include things it was never meant to include. Part of our ongoing struggle to educate the great unwashed masses that still think of a romance novel as either bodice ripper or a Penthouse titillation piece. *sigh*

    *off soapbox* You are one tolerant and gracious lady Roben who handles everything with utmost class. I admire you greatly 🙂

  20. robena grant says:

    Aww, thanks Christine. It’s a strange world that we’re living in. When my family call from Australia it shows in my caller ID as unavailable. I usually know by the time of day that it’s one of the family. That’s why I picked up.
    My daughter told me of a person who called her and said she’d won money. She said she wasn’t interested and he went into a foul-mouthed rage. Yesterday I saw a headline on AOL news. A man in Colorado had recieved a similar call and when he said no thanks and hung up, the guy called back and said there was a bomb in his house. They called in the bomb squad. What the hey? Anyway, they said if these are overseas calls there isn’t much they can do other than report them to the FBI, if they are local they try and trace them.